The beginning….
Let me introduce myself, I am Kate’s sister and I have seen her grow up and become the wonderful, kind and caring Mummy that she is today. Yes – I typed Mummy, the United Kingdom way and not Mommy – as in SA! (Looks so odd now, that I have been living in the UK for so long). So as said, I live in the UK, and have been for the last 10 years. I have a wonderful husband, Phillip, who is my soul mate and friend. It has been a wonderful experience and adventure living in the UK – but not without its challenges.
Which brings me to some of what this is all about. Having seen how my sister has been in writing her blog and ‘diary’ of Mummyhood… it made me think of the journey that we have taken to having children in our lives and what that involves. You see – we have been down an entirely different route!
Recently I have been visiting South Africa for an ‘extended’ amount of time and it is here where I have seen how family rally together and support one another. I had the fortunate experience of meeting my nephew – Noah! He is a bundle of joy, that is loved beyond all who meet him. It has been great to see him interact with his mummy and daddy and watch him ‘grow’ in the last two months (including teething, and starting to crawl – in his own style!).
This made me think about the scenarios that we have been in and what it took to have children in our lives. Firstly, there was a time when both Phillip and I were younger and in love (and we are still in love today. BTW)! Two months into the relationship we knew that we were meant to be together and were planning our lives and children – to the point that we were deciding on our children’s names! Oh, ironic that is now… as knowing one another for 14 years now has changed our path and what we ‘thought’ our life would be like living!
Having decided to move to the UK a year after we got married, and settling into the UK style of life, we decided that it would be a good time to consider having children. After trying for a child for a year and taking various vitamins, monitoring cycles and following all the ‘tips’ regarding conception – there was no child on the horizon. It was a trying time, as you walk in the street seeing others with children and ‘wishing’ for those moments. Some of my friends, during this time, were all having their first child, falling pregnant and experiencing motherhood. As a couple – we wanted that too! During this time, life carried on. I was doing supply teaching and getting on with life.
I remember a time when we were going to go to Edinburgh, Scotland – for a family Christmas. We were visiting Phillip’s family; however, three of the four family members had got chickenpox. They thought to give us a call to let us know – as if we were pregnant, this could affect the foetus if I get chickenpox / measles etc, especially in the early weeks of conception. This was the first time that I took a pregnancy test, even though I knew that I was not pregnant! We just had to make sure. This was the first of two tests that I ever did to check. And the second test being another story all together…
After the holiday in Scotland, we decided that we needed to get some tests done to figure out what was going on, as it had been a year and a bit since we had started this journey to wanting children in our lives.
After a few tests, it became clear that we were not able to conceive naturally – and would not only require In vitro fertilisation (IVF), but a form of IVF called Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection(ICSI) to assist our journey of having children – and even then, there was no guarantee. This was a journey into the unknown and no amount of research and understanding will prepare you for emotions that were linked to this process. It was a roller coaster of emotions, thoughts and unfulfilled dreams, restricted excitement and then bitter disappointment, and eventually acceptance.
We were fortunate in that we met the threshold for getting this treatment on the NHS (National Health Service) … as we could not have afforded the cost of having the treatment privately. We were on the waiting list for a short amount of time and carried on with life. When we got the call to give us the timeline for the treatment it was a weird moment. Having wanting children for so long and then getting the confirmation call, there was a moment of ‘but we are not ready yet’ (Are you ever ready for parenthood?)
And so, the journey into IVF started…
Now I say this carefully – there are many ways that you can have children in your lives, and if IVF is the route that you have to go down… then as a couple you will need to have a strong relationship and be prepared for the scenarios that may or may not happen.
Phillip and I went through two important scenarios’…
What if….
What if it is all successful and we have a child…
Ultimate joy!
What if it is not successful, and we come away without a child…
Sadness, sorrow and further questions?
In-between these two critical scenario’s – there will be many more that may present themselves in the process of IVF. As in conception – be it natural or IVF – there is no guarantee that a baby may come to be, until you are holding him or her in your arms and that he or she is fit and healthy, has 10 fingers, 10 toes etc…
SO many scenario’s and a lot of reflection had to take place….
One thing that we fully agreed to was that our relationship and partnership was a priority, and that whatever comes our way – we will end it as a team, and ever stronger than before because of the experience we went through together. We did not want it to compromise what we have as a couple… and knowing this, any outcome was going to be ok!
mammaethos 